I ran across a talk, given by Chieko Okazaki, called Healing From Sexual Abuse. This talk was given way back in 1992, taped and sold by Deseret Book, and given again at a BYU Conference in 2002. I think her talk is important for us to know and understand.
She gives eight strong messages:
1. “Sexual abuse is a problem for all of us, both men and women, whether we have experienced it personally or not.” Her message is that we either are someone, or know someone who has been abused.
2. “Sexual abuse is not the child’s fault.” She quotes a friend, who was a victim, with these words. “I often find myself wondering why we, knowing our parents are abusers, continue to protect them by idealizing them.”
3. Those abused “probably need professional help and certainly need personal support.” Friends don’t need to become therapists, but they are invaluable when it comes to holding hands, accompanying, and just loving.
4. “Women and men who are coming to terms with sexual abuse need all the spiritual help they can get.” Pray for them, encourage them to seek priesthood blessings, talk to them of hope.
5. “Teachers and leaders have a special role.” Be aware of the stories you tell and how they may be interpreted. Abusive authority figures can be very confusing to children; teachers and leaders can offer escape, or corner the child unknowingly.
6. “Healing from sexual abuse is a very long and very painful process.” Most victims have to dig out suppressed memories, and then deal with them.
7. This one involves the perpetrators. “When the abuse is incest, that means that a wife and a mother either does not know or chooses not to know what her husband is doing to their child.”
8. “We can do much to stop the abuse before it starts by holding the men and women in our lives to gospel standards. We can refuse to accept rationalizations and twisted logic.”
This talk was full of sensitive, loving comfort. She admits to never having to deal with this problem in her life; but the words she uses are full of understanding, acceptance, and support of the victim.
As sisters, we MUST put aside our judgments. There are people who need our nurturing, our love, and our help. May we reach out to one another, and especially to children, who need to be rescued, lifted up, and reminded of our hope in Christ.
Wow, thanks, I happened upon this post the first time I visited your blog, and this was very topical in my life right now. Our oldest daughter, 34, is still suffering the effects of childhood sexual abuse (inflicetd by a friend’s older brother, then her first husband. Later she lived on the street, homeless, and was raped.) I am also dealing with a friend with a similar, although not quite as dramatic, story. I will use this information from Sis.Okazaki in talking to my friend’s church leaders soon – they are inclined to dismiss her concerns – she’s asked my husband and I to attend her forthcoming stake interviews with her – to vouch for her sanity, which her most recent abuser, a new convert boyfriend, is questioning; and I’ll also try to get a copy of the whole talk, as well. God bless.
It is so important to be surrounded by supportive people. You are clearly a good friend and valued loved one. As we all clutch our hearts in dispair, how did Jesus Christ do it for everyone’s pain? Blessings to you and yours.