The prophets foretold a long time ago that marriage would be under fire; that children would be in danger if left to their own devices; and that temptation would pull women out of their duty. We are seeing this more and more as the years get full to overflowing with technological shortcuts that make homemaking obsolete, interesting time-wasters that fill our days, and the world screaming to stop being “old-fashioned”.
Susa Young Gates, one of the most beloved women of her day, a daughter of Brigham Young, and just as outspoken, but loving, as he was, wrote to the young women about their mission on the earth.
“What is a mission? Is it not the fulfilling of some pre-ordained plan? Then we knew we should have work to do upon earth. And what was your great charge, your great work on earth? The first duty of a woman upon this earth, the work required at her hands, is that of wife and mother.”
She quotes her father, the prophet, as saying, “You may become the finest writer in the whole world; you might be the most famous and gifted woman of your day, and you might be of great use to thousands of your fellow beings, but if you should fail in your duty as wife and mother, you would find in the morning of the first resurrection that your whole life upon earth had been a failure.”
Women of our day are becoming more and more self-absorbed. Recently, a very popular book-turned-movie came out called Eat, Pray, and Love. Can you see the incredible selfishness in which she lived her year? I could barely get through the book and did not see the movie.
Susa continues, “Do you think that President Young would approve of throwing aside the duties of wife and mother for selfish comfort if he disapproved of doing so for a great public good? To be sure he would not. And yet is there not a notion growing among our girls that it is not wise to marry early, and perhaps not at all?” Too many young women are choosing career over families, when it should be the opposite: Family first, but if that doesn’t happen, career. There are also too many women waiting to start a family until they have a home, nice furniture, and all the ease of life. Again, we have been told that family should come first. Nice things can always come later.
And there are too many of our young girls “settling” for a man, because he is a man, not because he is a responsible priesthood holder. Susa states the following from experience.
“If girls ought to marry, what are they to do now when there is such a surplus of marriageable girls to the comparatively small number of marriageable young men? The question is becoming too frequent, “Is it not better for our girls to marry those outside our faith than to remain single?” Let me shout the answer in your ears again and again. No! No! No! Better live the whole life out singly and in old maidenhood than to sell your birthright for a miserable mess of pottage.”
When she was eighteen years of age, Susa married a young man who was not strong in the Church and ended up leaving it completely. She divorced him, but not before having two children. She cursed her own impulsiveness the rest of her days because the consequences stayed with her.
There are of course situations where a good woman can’t seem to find the right man to marry, at no fault of her own. Susa advises to not sell yourself short. There is always hope and happiness in the Lord.
“If you cannot fulfill your mission here, He will not withhold that happiness and privilege from you in eternity. Think of it well! The gospel is yours, and by its light is revealed the beautiful hereafter, in which you know you will have the God-given companion designed for you from before the beginning of this world. Is not this glorious, perfect companion worth waiting for? What work in the meantime is there for these lovely, loving girls? Oh so much. All sorts and kinds of occupation and avocations.”
Isn’t that interesting? It is the single women who are urged to not while away their solitary years but to make the most of themselves in an occupation or avocation. I have also seen many situations that warrant a married woman to educate herself in a particular skill as needed, and we have all been urged in that regard. But Susa’s message should become the attitude in which we live.
“If you by faith and prayer have succeeded in finding the good and honorable man God meant you to find, then remember those solemn words of warning given by Brigham Young, ‘Wife, mother, and then woman.’ This is your watchword. And if, dearest and best of Mormon girls, your life is to be lived out alone while on this sphere, choose some good, some worthy object of spiritual and physical activity. If you cannot fulfill that mission with your own body while on earth, yet labor with your whole might to help those who are doing this work. Help all good women who know you, and to every child who crosses your path, be thou to it a second mother. No matter what you choose, see to it that you never lose sight of your eternal watchword.”
Young Woman’s Journal, “What is Your Mission?,” 5 (Nov 1893): 91