We took an interesting trip during a recent Relief Society lesson. A member of the presidency was teaching about how to make our homes like the temple.
The very first aspect introduced was cleanliness. It went around the room for a while that it was SOOOO important to have a clean house. It was stated clearly that you can’t possibly feel the spirit in a messy environment. Tempers tend to flare, and when mom ain’t happy, no one is happy. Some of us can afford hired help to do it for us, others just can’t function unless everything is in its place. And so it went.
After a while, some brave soul spoke up saying that kids make things very tricky. It’s more important to love being a mother and spend time with family, not cleaning, or ranting about cleaning. Sisters began agreeing with that idea as well. It isn’t important to be perfect. It’s good enough if the house is merely tidy.
Then the discussion shifted to not having enough time to enjoy home; the invasion of video games blasting in the family room, dangers of the Internet, raunchy music, and those blasted earbuds that make us yell at our children. So many time wasters, and family separators.
So, what is the verdict? Where the temple is beautifully pristine, and gloriously separate from the world, an escape for us as we enter its walls, our homes must be livable and spirit-filled at the same time. Why do we beat ourselves up to be “perfect”? Because the bottom line is our homes will be more like temples as soon as we allow ourselves to be “imperfect”, and focus on love, patience, acceptance, and real life families.
I found it absolutely fascinating that even though we think cleanliness is the answer, we settle down and realize that it isn’t the first answer we should consider. Do we feel the need to rationalize ourselves out of guilt? Or do we lower our standards? No. We just need to recognize what really matters. Thank goodness the discussion wandered to a better topic of showing kindness, love, and service in the household. The spirit of the home comes forth. If it’s clean too, that is merely a bonus.
Most people were adamant that a woman is still overworked and must have more help in the home. I’m pretty sure there were multiple under-the-breath comments still stuck on how clean a house really needs to be. Are we really that dissatisfied with ourselves?
We ran out of time while we were still listing our failings. Isn’t that always the case? We hadn’t quite made it to the point where we could pat ourselves on the back for creating some sort of haven. Our homes must have some redeeming quality to them, right?
What do you think? What qualities or practices bring your home closer to the level of a temple?
Boy, this is a question I have pondered long and hard about for many years, and I still don’t know for sure what the answer is. Let me say that I started out being a proponent of “cleanliness is next to Godliness and our home should be like the temple” , etc. When we got married I read lots of books by Daryl Hoole and those like her who gave me lots of ideas on ways to keep my house clean and organized. For me personally, I found it to be possible if I had a routine and kept up on things, trying not to let the mess get out of hand so as to leave me feeling overwhelmed. Of coarse when you have lots of little ones under foot, particularly preschoolers, this is more of a challenge. I must admit, because I have suffered from chronic depression for many, many years, I learned that when my environment got out of control then so went my psyche. So for me, keeping the house under control seemed to help me feel a little more under control emotionally. There were times when I think I got carried away with the neatness issue, and it probably wasn’t the best thing for my kids. The teenage years seems to mellow me out because you learn to pick your battles and I gradually learned to shut certain teenagers’ bedroom doors and ignore things- for a while- then I just had to shut them in until their room was clean again- for a while.
Now, I must say, I have friends who are extraordinarily talented and creative, and they tend to have a tougher time cleaning when there is a new song rolling around in their head which they need to set down to music, etc. They also seem to be better than I at sitting down with their kids and reading them a story and just loving them whether they can go right to the couch and do so, or whether they have to hunt for a place to sit. In fact, one friend kind of feels sterile and uninspired when her house is all neat as a pin. I used to think she was not being fair to her children, not teaching them organizational skills, and how to keep to a schedule and get homework done before 3 am, etc. I sort of patted myself on the back for having kids who knew “proper” study habits, etc. Well………..her oldest daughter is now a pediatrician and her 2 other daughters have master’s degrees , so what did I know?????
I still tend to think that the family functions a little better overall if the house is fairly picked up organized. Less pulling of hair just to find the tape and paperclips if you know right where they are most every time. But maybe that is just me. We do know, however, that Heavenly Father is our prime example and He is a being of organization and His Church is an example of organization and smooth running. Perhaps this means that when we become perfect we will all be like that PLUS we can be creative and loving at the same time. Maybe some of us get the last part now and the first part later and vice-versa. I must say, I do have the privilege of knowing some women who have both skills down pat now, but most of us are somewhere in between. For me I just pray to have the Spirit speak to me each day and guide me as to where I need to focus my time and attention, and go from there. As a grandparent now, I try to remind myself that sitting on the floor with the grandkids is more important than making sure my dishes are done while they are still over visiting. Ah……I don’t know!
Standing up and cheering for both Jan and Mary!
I’m so glad I’m not a Mormon and that my parents didn’t brainwash me into thinking cleaning was my destiny. I’m off to law school where my talent as a woman won’t be wasted. Equality- when chores, housework, cooking, cleaning, and taking care of kids are shared between partners. Exploitation- when chores are relegated to one person.
Oh my! And what planet, may I ask, are you from? Equality (which is a pretty narrow term) is a whole lot bigger than housework, which I actually talk about quite a bit on this site.
Thank you for sharing everybody – love it! *HUGS*