Courageous Parenting


In General Conference (Nov. 2010), Elder Larry R. Lawrence gave a talk on Courageous Parenting.  I was so grateful for this talk, I practically underlined the whole thing.

My husband and I admit we were blessed with good kids, but you know, even good kids can wander off into paths unknown.  Where this isn’t the surefire way to protect your kids, I feel my staying home and being there a lot of the time was helpful in guarding and shaping them.  Also, my husband had a special gift that was like a radar.  He could always tell when something was wrong with any one of the kids.  He could literally feel when they were going down the wrong path.  But this is what made the difference: he would confront the kids about it, and call them back.  He exhibited courageous parenting.

Elder Lawrence states: “In these last days, what the world really needs is courageous parenting from mothers and fathers who are not afraid to speak up and take a stand.”  This is key.  It’s not easy to get in the face of your children, and it’s even harder to get them to tell you the truth sometimes.  But your children need to know where you stand on all issues, and you must never back down.

He related the story of Alma the Younger speaking to Corianton.  I have often cringed as I read his strong words to his beloved son: “Now this is what I have against thee.” (Alma 39:2) This direct phrase cuts to the very core.  Without insults or belittling, truth will cut to the heart, and the Spirit will be able to call your child back.

In our media, it is common to see minors dealing with stupid parents.  Do not fall for this blatant lie of Satan’s, and make sure your children understand the lie.  Parents don’t need to worry about offending their children, and children shouldn’t even worry about offending their parents.  Both of you SHOULD worry about offending the Spirit.  When you have a spiritual relationship with your family members, you will rise above the mists and enjoy true love and respect for one another. 

Building mutual, spiritual respect for one another pushes away the insecurities of the world.  All of us are fighting against evil and imperfection.  If we give one another the benefit of the doubt, and lift one another, the world will have less control over us.  Parents and children can actually have a loving relationship; one that is not embarrassing.

Husbands and wives can sometimes be their own worst enemies.  If one is the disciplinarian and the other is the comforter, that can sometimes turn around and bite you hard on the behind.  To keep your kids on their toes, both parents need to be willing to switch up on a dime.  Both parents need to be willing to play hardball.  Both parents need to be loving, kind, and calm. In no way should you interpret this as being a bully, or a jellyfish.  As a couple, you are to raise your children unto the Lord.  NOW.  Not when you’re less tired, full of solutions and ideas, or good and mad.

My husband has said repeatedly that you start teaching a child when they are babies.  Fill their DNA with Family Prayer, Scripture Reading, Home Evening, dinner time, one-on-one interviews, and a whole lot of love.  If you leave a void in their lives, the world will fill it; and you don’t want that.

“[Satan] will do whatever he can to keep young men from serving missions and to prevent temple marriages.  It is vital that parents have the courage to speak up and intervene before Satan succeeds.  President Boyd K. Packer has taught that ‘when morality is involved we have both the right and the obligation to raise a warning voice’.”

We could hardly believe our ears when Elder Lawrence started talking about sleepovers.  We nixed sleepovers when our children were young, and boy did we get a lot of flack about it (and not just from our children).  But we held on to our little rule, and thank you Elder Lawrence for your corroboration. after all this time.  We survived those comments, and our children now thank us for holding on to our convictions.  They now have the same rule in their families.

Please don’t think we had the perfect household; I’m not willing to share all of our dirty laundry.  But you owe it to yourself to overcome the world in your very own homes.  Where the world would have you be too busy to feel the Spirit, be courageous enough to let the Spirit flow from wall to wall, from ear to ear, from heart to heart.  Raise righteous warriors to fulfill all that the Lord commands, because only then will you feel peace, security, and love.

“The Lord is counting on valiant parents to bring [this generation] up.”