In my daughter’s single’s ward, they arranged to have the Elder’s Quorum President teach Relief Society, and the Relief Society President teach Elder’s Quorum. The RS President spoke about Pornography. The EQ President collected comments from the men about their feelings of immodesty. I share these revealing comments with you.
“Yes, Modesty is more than just the clothing we wear. But honestly, as with many other aspects in our lives, the outward manifestation of the belief principle (modesty in this situation) is one of the strongest indicators of what one believes…we must outwardly live the law, we must inwardly believe the principle.”
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“The way that women dress has a HUGE impact upon the way men think and act. When I ask a sister out on a date, and she is dressed immodestly, it makes the date uncomfortable for me, but at the same time gives me the message that I can be more casual in the way I speak and act…When a woman dresses modestly, she sets herself apart from the world. She is giving the message that she knows of her worth without showing that extra skin.”
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“There is nothing more pleasing to me than to meet a modestly dressed girl that is confident in her inner beauty and shows it in the way she dresses and acts.”
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“Plainly put, a girl that is dressed immodestly will attract scumbags, while a girl that dresses modestly will attract good men. The sisters need to realize that a LARGE percentage of men are addicted to pornography. These men see women as objects. When dressed immodestly, they are just telling the world that they are fine with being another object; that men have free reign to stare at them and create dirty thoughts.”
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“Modesty is the woman’s way of showing that she respects and honors the Priesthood.”
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“As a people, we are commanded to bridle our passions, and modesty is several yards ahead of it by eliminating the temptation to engage in immoral acts.”
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“When I see a woman immodestly dressed, it seems like she thinks that she has nothing more to offer. It makes it seem like she will purposely dress in a way to get attention because she feels like that’s the only way to have guys look at her. To me, it doesn’t necessarily reflect her spiritual welfare, because it doesn’t mean she is going to break the law of chastity, but it does reflect on the way she views herself.”
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“The trend of immodesty makes me uneasy. It makes me call into question the values a mom will hold for her daughters. It makes me nervous about how late she will let her daughter stay out with a boy. It makes me nervous about the values she has kept up until this point in her life. And, well, you have to draw your line in the sand somewhere. You have to qualify the character of a girl by some standard. And because modesty is a principle taught by the Prophet, it is a quality useful in characterizing a girl at least to some extent. It’s fair game entirely to choose to not spend time with a girl because you feel she dresses too immodestly. I have heard so many times that a ‘guy should look deeper’ and not ‘judge on the surface.’ But hey, the Prophet has spoken and since he has, the debate is over. Modesty is in every way an outward manifestation of an inner testimony.”
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“As a practicing LDS young adult, my covenants and standards are top priority. When a woman dresses immodestly, my mind starts to wander and it’s harder to focus on virtuous thoughts. Women become objectified; they become objects of pleasure instead of independent, beautiful, free thinking, covenant making women.”
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“Sometimes I just prefer to not talk to an immodest girl. I will also say that it becomes a little hard to focus because you have to put so much attention on looking straight at her face because if your eyes wander even slightly, abort abort. Now I know we shouldn’t be letting our eyes wander, but oh, I don’t know.”
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“It causes so much more sadness. It causes so many more immoral thoughts in guys than we should have. Tight fitting clothes are nearly as bad as no clothes.”
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“I will minimize any time that I spend with those sisters who choose not to embrace modesty. Why? Because I know that by allowing my mind to be in an environment where modesty does not prevail, I am in the same situation in which Joseph of Egypt found himself with Potiphar’s wife.”
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“The Spirit cannot be present in his fullness where immodesty prevails. And I desperately want to walk hand-in-hand into the Temple with someone who is pure, clean, virtuous, and who can invite the Spirit to my family. As a future husband and father, I need all of the wisdom and revelation I can get to face the challenges ahead. A young woman who strives to keep the Spirit with her at all times is someone who can keep the Spirit with her future family.”
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“The worst thing about immodesty is that perfectly wonderful girls are often unknowingly disqualifying themselves from the STRONG brethren that they claim to be seeking. When I see a healthy, good looking girl dressed immodestly, I am definitely attracted to what I see…but the smarter bits of my brain let me know that this immodestly dressed girl is someone who simply ‘doesn’t get it.’ Whether she is insecure, susceptible to cultural influence, or simply less intelligent, it doesn’t really matter. The ‘why’ isn’t my concern. What is my concern is that she is probably not a good match for me. The why’s and how’s of modesty are easy to understand, and if she doesn’t understand modesty as a basic principle, it is likely she hasn’t applied her mind and heart to understanding other gospel principles.”
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“We understand it’s tough. And we are standing beside you when the world challenges your values. As guys, we are on your team in every way.”
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“My own mental virtue is something that I have been greatly saddened by lately. It has not been where it should be and I’ve felt great sorrow about this. Now, that isn’t to say I am a vile sinner, but when I let it slip, and don’t work to bring it back up quickly, I can’t have the Spirit with me and then I am more likely to keep going south. I recall one Bishop talking to me about this type of thing, when I was about fifteen, or so. He said it is a lifelong struggle.”
great timing! i’m planning my lesson for a little over a week away and the rs pres. and i discussed a way for me to include a section on modesty. i’m going to have to use some of these. thanks!
James 1:13-14 “Let no man say when he is tempted, I am tempted of God: for God cannot be tempted with evil, neither tempteth he any man: But every man is tempted when he is drawn away of his own lust, and enticed,” Of *his own* lust. I’m all for men and women dressing in a way that feels respectful of themselves, but I’m shocked at the blame so many of these male comments place on women for *their own thoughts!* To me the sign of a truly righteous man is one who is able to adhere to his own values and control his thoughts even if the “independent, beautiful, free thinking, covenant making” woman in front of him is wearing a skirt above the knee.
Wow! I have to say, I’m pretty sick and tired of hearing women say they should be able to wear whatever they want and everyone else can go hang! This is a pervasive attitude that threatens those who would like to dress in a more wholesome way.
I have had to remove several ugly comments.
How come those who choose to dress in less than modest attire have to push their ideas on the rest of us? This is my site, and I choose to speak up for what I believe. I can only assume those who feel as I do will come to my site and gain the support and strength they seek. What are the rest of you doing here? Are you looking for a fight?
As members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, we have always been taught that our bodies are temples and we each have a responsibility to care for it.
The following is taken out of the For the Strength of Youth pamphlet that is given to every teenager to study, and understand, so they can make responsible choices.
I don’t understand this idea of placing blame. What kind of argument is that? We are all responsible. In fact, we are all responsible for one another. Am I not my brother’s keeper? Of course I am.
jtolman, I have commented only once before although I read your blog regularly. So let me tell you why I am here. I think it important to read the opinions of those with whom I both agree and disagree. While I often disagree with you, your opinions help me fact check my own ideas. I hope you will err on the side of letting commentors say what they think rather than suggest they go elsewhere. Your ideas have little chance to impact others if you send them away.
I see modesty as a serious power thing for women. Our culture has so sexualized and objectified women, and by dressing modestly, we are simply declaring that we aren’t going to be a part of that. We rise above and reject such lies and propaganda.
I also think it’s a lie to insist that somehow we don’t have responsibility to each other. Of course, we can’t take blame for others’ poor choices, but we are foolish if we think that our behavior and choices can’t have influence on others.
Lastly, I think modesty is ultimately about showing respect for God and to ourselves. To me, some of the bottom line of people getting upset about the standards is that some aren’t convinced that these standards are inspired. If one doesn’t have such a conviction, it can be easy to malign the standards as misinformed, old-fashioned, sexist, etc. But that honestly baffles me since our culture *is* so obviously sexified and women are so blatantly objectified. To me, modesty should be something feminists should champion, not fight against. Again, I see modesty as serious power and serious influence in a world that reduces women to sex objects. It sends a clear message that we will have no part of such garbage. And it sends a message to men (and reminds ourselves) that we see ourselves as more than cleavage and flesh and sex appeal.
Because let’s face it — women who dress for sex appeal *know* that they have that kind of ability to get men’s attention. But then they want to pretend that it’s all the man’s fault when they play that game? I honestly don’t get it.
I have never checked your comments but have enjoyed your posts. I can’t imagine what the complaints might be but I am grateful for any woman who stands up for modesty. I shared your post with a singles stake president thinking it was a very good idea for our younger women to understand how good men feel about the way they dress. Thank you for sharing.
Sincerely,
Modest mom of 4 daughters who seek to dress modestly and 4 sons who appreciate when women and girls dress modestly.
Thank you everyone for your kind words.
The commenter Aimee needs to read the book Return to Modesty by Wendy Shalit. It, better than anything I’ve ever read explains why and how IT IS women’s fault. I would suppose that she is not married and doesn’t completely understand the involuntary nature of a man’s arousal. And, without being too explicit, I’ve lived through an experience of infidelity with my husband that makes me suspicious and angry at all the immodestly dressed women at church. How can they justify dressing in a seductive way? Don’t they realize that they are drawing the thoughts of men away from virtue?
Thank you for your ever needed stand for modesty and virtue.
Mother of one daughter and four sons!
I wanted to underline Michelle’s comment:
“I see modesty as a serious power thing for women. Our culture has so sexualized and objectified women, and by dressing modestly, we are simply declaring that we aren’t going to be a part of that.”
I think she sums up the moral choice women are making in how they dress. Women can and do use the fact that men react to how they dress.
Hi Jtolman,
A quick comment to Sanford: Any blog creator has a moral right to moderate–or “edit”–the content of their blog. jtolman is under no obligation to welcome every bit of slime that oozes under the door. This has absolutely nothing to do with censorship, either. This site and this blog have clearly visible spiritual standards. I would’t blame them were they to take steps to ensure that their forum doesn’t become a showcase for nonsense.
Me personally I dont like to attract attention when I am out on a date so If my date is flashy I have a bad time.