I am always on the lookout to find people with knowledge and experience. Think what pain we could avoid if we took one another’s experienced advice. Learning from others is the greatest gift we can give ourselves, and our children.

My friends, the Stephensons, have raised a brood of children. He worked as a high school music teacher, and she, as a nurse. Living in a large city, with a large family, forced them to organize their lives well and fully. Danger lurked at every corner, money was tight, and they wanted their children to grow up spiritually strong.

After spending some time with them, this husband and wife team shared with me their feelings of having Family Council. This once-a-week meeting with their children is what kept them from danger, stretched their money, and spiritually strengthened each member to do their part and stand strong against the buffetings that threatened their course.

They understood, from the very beginning, the prevalent lie of this generation: Parents should be friends with their children.

And again inasmuch as parents have children in Zion, or in any of her stakes which are organized, that teach them not to understand the doctrine of repentance, faith in Christ the Son of the living God, and of baptism and the gift of the Holy Ghost by the laying on of the hands, when eight years old, the sin be upon the heads of the parents.  (D&C 68:25)

Parents cannot be friends with their children and teach them the doctrine that is in this scripture at the same time. There will be times when the parent has to be the “bad guy”; discipline; and teach with truth, as sharp as a two-edged sword. And a parent needs to be able to show forth an increase of love, not pout, as friends are more likely to do.

Children are most susceptible to love, care, impressions, anger, etc. from ages 0-5. By having children, the Stephensons had already accepted the commitment of being “completely devoted to the cause of childrearing” and childcare was not an option. He worked during the day and she worked at night.

One fundamental principle they both strongly believed in, and acted on, was that “Father has to have the vision of what he wants his family to be.” Both Bro. and Sis. Stephenson were the disciplinarians and nurturers, working together to make their family function properly. He was fully engaged in the raising of his children. He knew everything that was going on in the home. He was able to laugh and have fun with the children, as well as be taken seriously when necessary.

As the children grew, and became more independent, it became necessary to have a Family Council meeting, where the week was planned out in detail, where expectations were set, where chores were laid out, where morals were discussed, where children could have a say as to what they wanted. This was a ritual that became their lifeblood. Parents and children used this time to communicate with one another. All together, the family goal was “Saving the Family”.

Each child grew up playing an instrument. Every morning was spent in practice time. As one parent worked his/her shift, the other parent worked the household. Because of Family Council, their was no debate as to the responsibilities, the practicing schedule, even TV watching. That meeting engaged everyone with that week’s family goings-on.

When it came to Chore Charts, lessons were learned. It didn’t take long for children to figure out they could mark “completed” without really doing the job. Come Family Council, trust, cheating, and honesty were discussed, as well as any other issue that cropped up. Luckily, their oldest child caught the importance of honoring his parents and encouraged his siblings to do likewise.

Problems still occur. Tantrums still scream forth. The ups and downs of life still happen. But when a husband and wife commit to their responsibilities as parents, an eternal family emerges. Not a perfect family, but a family that wants to be together forever.