This session of conference (October 1984) offers a talk on marriage, given by Marion D. Hanks. Oh boy!! There is so much to say about marriage, I hardly know where to start! Think about what you know about marriage. How many good marriages have you seen? How many more bad marriages have you seen? And how is one to bridge the gap? Well, here’s the secret: Live your marriage with eternity in view.

I once taught a Gospel Doctrine class that was to touch on marriage but move onto another topic. I learned then just how much people are interested in talking about marriage. We all have human issues we’re dealing with and I think we all want to make our marriages better.

Elder Hanks offers advice in four areas: 1) Marry in the temple. 2) Create a happy, eternal union. 3) Use your gospel covenants. 4) Honor and respect two honest adults.

 

Marry in the Temple

We can see clearly that marriage is under attack. Divorce continues to rise. Young people are afraid of commitment. Broken families lead to broken children who grow into broken adults. Expectations are unrealistic and glamorized.

For those who prepare well for a temple marriage, there is power to overcome all of these hurdles and avoid much sorrow. Preparation starts with righteous living and a desire to strive for righteousness in all things for all times. We can’t ever stop our commitment to live the gospel of Jesus Christ. Covenants made over the altar are real and have consequences when broken. Next time you participate in any ordinances, listen for the blessings. These blessings are multiplied when couples marry. Always keep in the back of your mind these particular blessings:

“If a man marry a wife by my word, which is my law, and by the new and everlasting covenant, and it is sealed unto them by the Holy Spirit of promise, … [they] shall inherit thrones, kingdoms, principalities, and powers, dominions, all heights and depths … and they shall pass by the angels, and the gods, which are set there, to their exaltation and glory in all things, as hath been sealed upon their heads, which glory shall be a fulness and a continuation of the seeds forever and ever. Then shall they be gods” (D&C 132:19-20).

 

Creating a Happy Marriage

My parents were Sociologists who wrote a paper on what the perfect couple looked like. According to them, the best and most successful marriages had a dominant husband and a supportive wife. Today, that would be laughed at, scorned, and ridiculed right out of town. But I believe they were right. Dominant does not mean “domineering” and supportive doesn’t mean “doormat.” A Proclamation to the World states:

“By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children.”

That statement often puts the wife in the so-called “back-seat” of a marriage, but not in a happy, and eternal, marriage. This orchestrated arrangement of responsibilities in the household creates an everlasting partnership of shared responsibility, love, security, and mutual growth and satisfaction.

Elder Hanks emphasizes that marriage is work. It takes work to coordinate a life together. Communication is vital about all matters. In our household, we believe in “no secrets.” If one has a problem, that problem is shared by both until it is overcome. If praise is given to one, that one defers to the other’s support and love and praise is shared between the two. Elder Hanks also says, “they are married twenty-four hours a day.” Marriage includes ALL of it, both good and bad, but by sharing, good is strengthened.

 

Marriage and Gospel Covenants

“Two who desire an eternal marriage cannot establish that relationship until each has personally made sacred covenants with the Lord,” says Elder Hanks.

But there are too many broken temple covenants. Some people forget these sacred covenants and act like they are possessed by the world. It is shameful and horrific. These covenants, when lived to their fullest measure, bring a happy union to those who keep eternity in view.

 

Two Mature Adults

When a couple desires a temple marriage for time AND all eternity, they are “mature enough to make promises and keep them and to receive holy promises and qualify for them,” according to Elder Hanks.

Maturity comes from wanting the same things together. It comes from wanting to please God and knowing that wickedness never—ever—was happiness. Happiness is heaven to the mature couple who takes their covenants seriously and reminds them to give 100% to their eternal companion.