Have you ever been visit taught and the companionship begins a game of “I have it worse” in front of you, leaving you out completely?  Maybe you’ve visited someone only to have them list, and repeat, their ailments until you have to boldly look at your watch and excuse yourself.  Such are the joys of Visiting Teaching.

Susa Young Gates offers some advice for complainers.

“How well I remember Aunt Eliza Snow’s admirable advice, ‘Never tell anybody if you are sick or sorry.  Don’t make others weary with your complaining.’  President Young said once in a sermon that he kept his troubles to himself, and bothered no man with any recital of his difficulties.  This was so true of him that if a member of his family ever asked how he was if he happened to be sick, they were sure to be answered with some witty jest which made them almost ashamed of having enquired.  No one ever heard that remarkable man tell his daily and hourly trials as no one that I ever knew of ever heard Aunt Eliza Snow say she was sick or felt ill.”

I remember years ago talking with a young mother, who had recently lost her little boy to cancer.  She hated people asking her how she was, because she was afraid of telling them.  Most people, when they throw out the common “How are you”, don’t really expect a long answer, isn’t that true?  It’s just a polite way of saying Hello.  The woman made a decision never to ask others how they were (unless she wanted to know, then she waited for an honest answer), and she herself never answered, only smiled, when people casually asked her.

Some people just like to complain.  Susa warns that if you complain too much, you’ll likely make yourself sicker.  I think that’s probably what people want, deep down.  Isn’t it sad to think of miserable people when the gospel is on the earth and brings such happiness to so many who abide the precepts and live in anticipation of the fullness of the glories promised?  Often, those who complain are trapped in their own insecurities.  All those bad things that are happening to them prevent them from doing something more productive.

Susa continues, “Another part of this is, that the influence of mind over matter is so great that if we can once learn to hold our tongues about what we are going through, whether it be in sickness or in other trials, we shall have a vastly increased amount of power to overcome and gain the victory.  A strong mind rarely if ever talks of what is to be done, but may speak of what has been done.  If I hear anyone say they are going to do such and such a thing, I am about sure they will do nothing of the sort.  Words are the weakest as well as the strongest things on earth.  They are weak when they betray our spirits, and they are strong when they obey an intelligent will.  Are you the slave of your tongue?  Then from this very moment try, don’t say what you are going to do, but quietly and prayerfully set to work to overcome your master weakness.   Let me warn my dear girl readers.  Seek to control that tongue.”

She encourages all women, both young and old, to watch what you say.  If you are beaten down with your own words and attitudes, think what you are doing to those who hear you.  If you were to act against any one of your complaints and had an attitude of overcoming the difficulty in some way, think how you would feel about yourself, and how others may look upon your success.  We have nothing to lose!  Susa’s final words are full of light, hope, and power.  “Never give up, and don’t say to anyone what you mean to do, but just do it.”

Young Woman’s Journal 4(1893): 426-7